"When you begin to think outside the box, you often become some other "leaders" lousy follower. That usually costs something" (Andy Rayner)

"Our guardian angels are bored." (Mike Foster)

It's where I feel I'm at these days. “In the second half of life, it is good just to be a part of the general dance. We do not have to stand out, make defining moves, or be better than anyone else on the dance floor. Life is more participatory than assertive, and there is no need for strong or further self-definition” (Falling Upward. Richard Rohr.120).

Sunday, July 7, 2013

International Worker On Emotional Overload!

I have never experienced anything this drastic. However, there are days you just go to your room and shut the door, and pretend that Africa is not out side that closed door.

"I didn't give a damn how many French government workers stared at me as I dragged my blue plaid rice bag up to the counter and set my moto helmet down loudly on the shiny white formica, next to an arrangement of roses. I needed a vacuum zone. A place where Africa didn't exist. I arrived on Friday afternoon. During the weekend, I gave my bed ten minute periods of rest when I left it to shower or
pee or open the door for pizza. That was it. The rest of the  time, I hugged that bed, trying to salvage my nerve endings  in an atmosphere of clean and comfort and blankets. With the air-conditioning on high, I piled blankets on me and assumed the fetal position. I pretended I had checked into a ski lodge in Colorado.

From my side, I looked at the phone. The thought of dialing all the access numbers made my hands tired. I didn't call home. What would 1 say? "Hey, Mom and Dad...how's it going? I just about lost my shit today." What could they do? And I  didn't want to hear about gardening or complaints about finding parking at the mall. Sometimes when I talked with people in America, I could feel my soul trying to stuff itself into the coils of the phone cord to escape, leaving me alone, a carcass."

(Last Moon Dancing. Monique Maria Schmidt. Former Peace Corps Worker in Benin)

No comments: